Not feelin it

Blah.

I'm in some kind of weird funk lately.

I don't wanna do anything, I'm tired, and I feel kind of apathetic about things.

I think this has something to do with my husband's change in schedule. See, I can deal with not seeing him during the work week - I only have about 3 hours anyway, and I've got stuff to do like exercise, make dinner, do chores, pay bills, catch up on the internet, etc. But this weekend was weird. He sleeps during the day now and it's just so lonely by myself. I got way more time with him on his old schedule. I was getting full days + 3-4 hours a night with him. Now I might get a good 2 hours a day to see him, 1 of which is him getting ready for work. How are we ever gonna get to do anything fun together?

Don't get me wrong, I'm an Army wife - I know how to do shit alone. I spent a full year away from him, plus separate chunks of a couple months at a time. When he is not here I can accept that and find ways to keep my mind occupied. But it's just... when we're in the same house together I kind of expect to get some quality time with him, you know? His days off are spent sleeping during the day, and when he does wake up at 6-7pm he's grumpy, and by the time he's fully awake and in a good mood I'm tired and ready for bed! I guess this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't on top of all his medical issues. He's just started the medical retirement process and he's stressed about that. His depression and anxiety have me worried. I think he's smoking again which worries me. He tells me not to worry about him but it's not exactly a switch I can turn off.

I realize this is only the first week of his new schedule and that he must still be getting used to it. Last week was crazy for him at work, and he's had a bunch of medical appointments during the day. I know he is sleep deprived. And he's taking the change much better than I would - I can only sleep if it is DARK and QUIET! I kind of feel selfish for wanting to bother him when he could probably be sleeping, but I dunno. He is my best friend and when he's right here in my home, I have a really hard time not wanting to do every single thing with him.

So yeah. I just feel kinda down in it lately. I know I'll snap back out of it, but right now I just really don't feel like doing much. I realize going out for a run would make me feel better. And I think on any other day I could probably self motivate and go do it. But on top of feeling like a lazy bum, it's about 35 degrees and 20 mph winds out there right now. I just do NOT feel like it. And you know what? That's ok. As much as I love being active, there comes a day every now and then where I'm just not feelin it. And I figure every now and then I can take that pass.

I think tonight I'll just chill out. Think about the positive. Learn to appreciate just being by myself. This life of having him around all the time has made me soft. I can survive without him always by my side - I did it once and I can do it again